I'm reading a book about men...actually men should read it, because it's about them for them.
Anyway, a psychiatrist wrote it, and he also wrote down an experience he had with a man, one of his patients. Quoting:
" Typical story. Selfish mother's selfish child, who never met his father, who ran away from the happiness and responsibility with another young woman. He had 3 more aunts, so the guy grew up in the care of 4 mothers. He was very spoiled, being the only boy in the family. When he grew up biologically, of course he chose a "stepmother", a woman just like his mother, only a younger version, with whom he "lived happily" for a number of years. The guy was an aggressor, because spoiled children are usually selfish and mostly go-getters. So his wife chose the slave's role.
They lived like this, next one another, until he found out that his wife had an illness. Something you can live with though. The time was passing and one day they were expecting guests for dinner and they had a terrible fight. The guests arrived in the middle of the fight, so they couldn't resolve it meanwhile. The wife excused herself from the guests, then she said she's going to sleep.
The man had a few drinks with the guests, then he slept in the living room. He didn't want to disturb his wife that night.
Then he told me the story: " I got scared because of the silence in the house. I ran to the bedroom, pills were everywhere, my wife committed suicide. I called the ambulance, but they couldn't save her. The next two weeks I've spent as if I were in a coma. Only a few relatives were at the funeral. Even my aunts and mother were dead. And when the men threw the ground on the coffin, I realized that I was totally alone."
A 50 year old man, who didn't have kids, he remained alone. He stood beside me and cried. He told me he doesn't know what to start with his guilty conscience, he can't tell her how much he loves her. I treated him with antidepressants, he had to learn to do everything around the house, because he realized that from the checks to the laundry, the woman did all the work. He worked as a pharmacist, but he had no real friends. He stopped attending the clinic, because he was no longer a threat to himself, last time he came to me, he told me he was going to a psychiatric facility that is closer to his home. A few months ago I was arranging my files, when I saw the phone number of the pharmacy where he was working, so I called and asked for him. When I called, there was an awful silence...They asked me twice if I was sure with who I wanted to talk to. They told me he committed suicide two months ago. I've put down the phone gently.
This time he succeeded. This was the time when I learned that life is very fragile... and that if someone is important to me and I have unresolved problems, feelings with that person: I have to tell her/him, talk with her/him, if this is what (s)he wants. I wouldn't want for myself a guilty conscience, that the other one's unexpected death causes in me.
I could do that.... I might not want to resolve my feelings with that person because of "look who am I", because of being hurt, because of being frightened of the results, because of being offended, because of vain. But it's just not worth losing the person you love, because you don't want to take responsibility for your feelings. Resolve your feelings, we are all human, we make mistakes. But there isn't any kind of offense or hurt for which it worth losing the person you care about. Life is very fragile!"
Well...I know the story sounds drastic to prove a point. But I liked the main line. The book is also about growing up emotionally. Because even if you are a grown up person, you're not necessarily grown up emotionally as well. Being grown up, means that you can overcome your fears. That you stand up, you realize your fears, feelings and resolve them by telling to the other person why you feel that way and how you can change this. For this you have to be flexible...because a very stubborn person will never recognize that even (s)he made a mistake.
I had a friend of mine, who thought that if she won't talk about a problem, soon it will disappear. Of course, it didn't. So she stood up bravely and told the other person her feelings. And then she came to me and told me, that this book is right actually. That it even feels better to resolve them, then to remain with unanswered questions.
I'm learning to be a pharmacist. And I learned there the definition of healthy.
Being healthy means physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy. And also this means being grown up emotionally. You can be very intelligent and grown up physically and mentally...but you need to be emotionally too. Sadly there are even parents, women, men, who aren't and never will grow up, because their fears are stronger then the will to overcome them.
So they bring children to the world and try to raise them properly, but until they don't understand this...they never will be able to. And we are surprised to meet so many "fucked up" people (sorry for the terms :P).
I don't know much of the world, but still I feel sometimes I know too much.
All I want is to share my knowledge, my opinion to those who still want a great life, or they are willing to change for one (I know I am changing mine).
Because we have only ONE life to live, so we have to cherish it. :)
Anyway, a psychiatrist wrote it, and he also wrote down an experience he had with a man, one of his patients. Quoting:
" Typical story. Selfish mother's selfish child, who never met his father, who ran away from the happiness and responsibility with another young woman. He had 3 more aunts, so the guy grew up in the care of 4 mothers. He was very spoiled, being the only boy in the family. When he grew up biologically, of course he chose a "stepmother", a woman just like his mother, only a younger version, with whom he "lived happily" for a number of years. The guy was an aggressor, because spoiled children are usually selfish and mostly go-getters. So his wife chose the slave's role.
They lived like this, next one another, until he found out that his wife had an illness. Something you can live with though. The time was passing and one day they were expecting guests for dinner and they had a terrible fight. The guests arrived in the middle of the fight, so they couldn't resolve it meanwhile. The wife excused herself from the guests, then she said she's going to sleep.
The man had a few drinks with the guests, then he slept in the living room. He didn't want to disturb his wife that night.
Then he told me the story: " I got scared because of the silence in the house. I ran to the bedroom, pills were everywhere, my wife committed suicide. I called the ambulance, but they couldn't save her. The next two weeks I've spent as if I were in a coma. Only a few relatives were at the funeral. Even my aunts and mother were dead. And when the men threw the ground on the coffin, I realized that I was totally alone."
A 50 year old man, who didn't have kids, he remained alone. He stood beside me and cried. He told me he doesn't know what to start with his guilty conscience, he can't tell her how much he loves her. I treated him with antidepressants, he had to learn to do everything around the house, because he realized that from the checks to the laundry, the woman did all the work. He worked as a pharmacist, but he had no real friends. He stopped attending the clinic, because he was no longer a threat to himself, last time he came to me, he told me he was going to a psychiatric facility that is closer to his home. A few months ago I was arranging my files, when I saw the phone number of the pharmacy where he was working, so I called and asked for him. When I called, there was an awful silence...They asked me twice if I was sure with who I wanted to talk to. They told me he committed suicide two months ago. I've put down the phone gently.
This time he succeeded. This was the time when I learned that life is very fragile... and that if someone is important to me and I have unresolved problems, feelings with that person: I have to tell her/him, talk with her/him, if this is what (s)he wants. I wouldn't want for myself a guilty conscience, that the other one's unexpected death causes in me.
I could do that.... I might not want to resolve my feelings with that person because of "look who am I", because of being hurt, because of being frightened of the results, because of being offended, because of vain. But it's just not worth losing the person you love, because you don't want to take responsibility for your feelings. Resolve your feelings, we are all human, we make mistakes. But there isn't any kind of offense or hurt for which it worth losing the person you care about. Life is very fragile!"
Well...I know the story sounds drastic to prove a point. But I liked the main line. The book is also about growing up emotionally. Because even if you are a grown up person, you're not necessarily grown up emotionally as well. Being grown up, means that you can overcome your fears. That you stand up, you realize your fears, feelings and resolve them by telling to the other person why you feel that way and how you can change this. For this you have to be flexible...because a very stubborn person will never recognize that even (s)he made a mistake.
I had a friend of mine, who thought that if she won't talk about a problem, soon it will disappear. Of course, it didn't. So she stood up bravely and told the other person her feelings. And then she came to me and told me, that this book is right actually. That it even feels better to resolve them, then to remain with unanswered questions.
I'm learning to be a pharmacist. And I learned there the definition of healthy.
Being healthy means physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy. And also this means being grown up emotionally. You can be very intelligent and grown up physically and mentally...but you need to be emotionally too. Sadly there are even parents, women, men, who aren't and never will grow up, because their fears are stronger then the will to overcome them.
So they bring children to the world and try to raise them properly, but until they don't understand this...they never will be able to. And we are surprised to meet so many "fucked up" people (sorry for the terms :P).
I don't know much of the world, but still I feel sometimes I know too much.
All I want is to share my knowledge, my opinion to those who still want a great life, or they are willing to change for one (I know I am changing mine).
Because we have only ONE life to live, so we have to cherish it. :)
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Thats ure best post in my opinion. The story is not too drastic to prove a point, U understand much much better the points, if you read marginal stories or examples. By the way, u could full a book every day with these kinda stories. Life just like this.
I like this new design. Take care.